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stopthespiral

Help me figure out how to say it

What’s going on?

Tell us about the conversation you need to have.

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Free to try · No signup · About 5 minutes

stopthespiral

Help me figure out how to say it

Here’s how we’d approach this conversation.

The approach

Say what you noticed, what you feel, what you need, and what you’re asking for, without a hint of blame.

For your situation, we recommend using Nonviolent Communication, developed by clinical psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It separates the facts from your feelings, and your feelings from your request, so pushing back reads as clarity about priorities instead of a complaint about capacity.

Doesn’t feel right? See another approachLet’s work through it

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Your approach

Say what you noticed, what you feel, what you need, and what you’re asking for, without a hint of blame.

We’re going to work through this together using Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, a proven framework for asking for what you need clearly.

Step 1 of 4 — Observation (Facts Only, No Evaluation)

Observation (Facts Only, No Evaluation)

Describe what happened without interpretation or judgment.

Tailoring this step to your situation…

Stick to what a calendar would show: how many projects landed, over what stretch. Leave out ‘always’ and ‘constantly’.

Write your observation…

Three new projects have come my way in the last two weeks, on top of the Q3 planning deck that's due Friday.

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Step 2 of 4 — Feeling (Name Your Emotion Without Blame)

Feeling (Name Your Emotion Without Blame)

Own your emotional response.

Tailoring this step to your situation…

Name the emotion itself, stretched, worried, uneasy, rather than what you think your manager’s intent is.

Write your feeling…

I'm feeling stretched thin, and honestly worried, because I can see the quality starting to slip and I care about this work.

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Bring it all together

Here’s your message, woven from what you wrote. Edit anything before you send it.

Hi, could I grab 20 minutes with you this week? Three new projects have come my way in the last two weeks, on top of the Q3 planning deck that's due Friday. I'm feeling stretched thin, and honestly a little worried, because I can see the quality starting to slip and I care about this work. What I need is clarity on what matters most right now, so I can do the important things well instead of everything halfway. Could we go through my list together and decide what moves, what waits, and what I can hand off?

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You’re ready.

Your message has been copied. Send it when you feel ready.

Hi, could I grab 20 minutes with you this week? Three new projects have come my way in the last two weeks, on top of the Q3 planning deck that's due Friday. I'm feeling stretched thin, and honestly a little worried, because I can see the quality starting to slip and I care about this work. What I need is clarity on what matters most right now, so I can do the important things well instead of everything halfway. Could we go through my list together and decide what moves, what waits, and what I can hand off?

Copy againNew session

01Start with the mess.

Type what’s going on, exactly as tangled as it is in your head.

02Spiral finds the way in.

It reads the situation and recommends one of 80+ expert frameworks built for it. Here, Nonviolent Communication.

03Coached, line by line.

Each step of the framework becomes a question. You answer in your own words; Spiral tells you when it lands.

04Your words, in order.

The message is woven from what you wrote. Nothing you didn’t say.

05Ready to send.

Copied to your clipboard. Send it when you feel ready.

The most common reason people start spiraling.

Maybe send it?No.Wait.Actually yes.No.Wait.

The conversations
you avoid don’t
go away.

Most of them are still sitting in drafts.

How it works

Most people don’t need someone to write the message for them. They need a way to think about it. Spiral gives you one, and walks you through it.

01
Tell Spiral what’s going on.
In your own words, as messy as it is. No signup, about five minutes.
What’s going on?
I need to tell my manager this timeline isn’t realistic, but every time I try I sound like I’m making excuses.
Next
02
Get an approach, drawn from 80+ expert frameworks.
Spiral reads the situation and recommends the way in that fits it. Don’t like it? See another.
Here’s how we’d approach this
Lead with the shared goal, then the constraint, then a concrete alternative.
Situation-Behavior-Impact · Center for Creative Leadership
See another approachLet’s work through it
03
Get coached through it, step by step.
Each step of the framework becomes a question. You answer; Spiral shapes it. You never hand over the thinking.
Step 2 of 4 · The behavior
SBI
Name what happened, specifically, without judging it. What did you actually see?
You
The scope grew twice since we set the date, and the date didn’t move.
04
Leave with the words.
A message that is yours, ready to send. And a two-minute reflection after, so the next one is easier.
Your draft
I want us to ship something we’re proud of. The scope has grown twice since we set Friday, and holding the date means cutting quality. Could we look at Wednesday of next week?
Copy, I’m ready to send

The thinking behind it

80+ frameworks from people who’ve spent their careers on hard conversations.

Communication, psychology, negotiation, leadership, grief. Spiral picks what fits, so you don’t have to know which one to reach for.

Crucial Conversations
Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler
Radical Candor
Kim Scott
Nonviolent Communication
Marshall Rosenberg
Never Split the Difference
Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator
Psychological Safety
Amy Edmondson, Harvard Business School
Principled Negotiation
Fisher & Ury, Harvard Negotiation Project
The Four Horsemen & Antidotes
John Gottman
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Sue Johnson
Motivational Interviewing
Miller & Rollnick
Situation-Behavior-Impact
Center for Creative Leadership
The Ladder of Inference
Chris Argyris
Immunity to Change
Kegan & Lahey, Harvard
Fierce Conversations
Susan Scott
Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills
Marsha Linehan
The SCARF Model
David Rock
and seventy more.

I thought talking about it would damage the relationship. But avoiding it already was.”

Kate

Spiral helped me start having the hard conversations I'd been putting off for months.

Kristin

I came in thinking I needed help with my writing. I left realizing I already knew what I wanted to say.

Sarah

From overthinking to what you actually want to say.

From
overthinking

to what you
actually want to say.